Today is Bell Let's Talk Day. It passed last year almost unnoticed for me, but this year I want to share. I am ready to talk.
As a small business owner, it's hard to feel comfortable sharing personal information with the world. Especially information about your mental health. What if people think you won't be able to do your job? What if people think you will let them down because of your mental health problems? I've thought about this a lot. And I believe that the answer is: if you are honest and open and compassionate with yourself and others, you will find yourself surrounded by like-minded people. And those people will continue to support you in your business, no matter what you share. Bell is right- it's time to talk. So let me tell you a little story.
In high school I was a shy, awkward teenager. I had body issues- I thought I was fat and huge. I was fearful all the time. I was afraid to draw attention to myself. Afraid to speak up. Afraid to ask for help. I had a particularly bad year when my circle of friends decided that they didn't want to be friends with me anymore. All of a sudden, lunch was a horrible hour of hiding in different places around the school. When I tried to eat, I felt like throwing up. It lasted for weeks. I would put food in my mouth and chew, chew, chew, and then start gagging. I was not consciously trying to stop eating- I wanted to eat. I was hungry, but there was a knot in my stomach that never went away. I went from 150lbs to 120lbs in 2 months. I was 5 ft 9 inches tall.
Something interesting happened then. People started talking to me and giving me compliments. The dad of someone on my soccer team. Boys I'd never spoken to at school. They told me I looked good and said I'd lost weight. Every time it happened, I felt kind of odd. I was getting attention now. And I didn't want it. And the reason I was getting it was because I felt like throwing up all the time? That felt wrong.
This is where I'm glad that I am a stubborn and strong willed kind of person. I rejected the idea that my weight would define me. I decided that I would just be me, however that was, and not worry so much about what others thought. Those boys who talked to me weren't worth my time. Suddenly, I could eat again. I'd somehow worked it out in my head and the knot in my stomach had lessened.
I wish I could say that was the only time I experienced mental health problems. But it is a lifelong experience for me to feel these feelings, to feel different from the world. I have had periods of depression, periods of anxiety, panic attacks. I've been on medication and I've been through counselling. I'm much, much better now. Now, I can recognize what's happening. I can take a moment and try to breathe. Ask for help. I've surrounded myself with people who understand. I don't hide away anymore (not much, anyway).
When I started a Pilates business, I wanted a name that would share my philosophy with the world. I wanted something that would be both a reminder to myself, and a reminder to others. Compassionate Body Pilates was born. I work on treating everyone around me with compassion, every day. Even more importantly, I work to treat myself the same way. To forgive myself when I have a bad day. When I can't manage. To step back and be kind. And try to set that example for others.
Lots of love and compassion to you all out there. If you have mental health issues, please take care of yourself as best as you can. Please ask for help. Let's talk.
Happy New Year to you! I wish you and your family a SPECTACULAR 2017!
With the start of a new year there is traditionally a time of reflection, and goal setting. This year I have a lot to be thankful for; I live in a new, beautiful house (that's all my own- wow!), my son is getting older, and my husband has a new job that he loves. My business is taking off and I am meeting and working with such lovely people. It's easy for me to write my goals this year, because life has been good to me, and I'm grateful. If you are writing goals of your own, there's something I want you to consider first and I feel it is very important. It's the kind of language that you use to write them. Let me explain.
I can see it everywhere now. Posts on Facebook, blogs, emails, ads. The fitness industry is leveraging the "New Years Resolution" craze to whip up more customers. The language of the fitness industry is often the language of shaming. Cajoling. Assumptions. Mostly shaming though. Things like "Finally do something this year about that spare tire" or "Get beach body ready!" or other similar sentiments. These kinds of phrases assume that you already don't like yourself, that you are powerless to change on your own, and that you subscribe to socially accepted ideas of beauty and fitness. In my experience, shame is a terrible motivator. It simply doesn't work long term and you are miserable when you fail.
We tend to absorb what we read everyday. That means when people write their resolutions, they often echo these ideas. Here's an example:
So I am proposing a new language of goal setting this year. No shaming language allowed! Instead use the positive language of compassion, of understanding. How about, instead of the above, we have ones like this:
Those ones don't involve shame as a motivator. And I truly believe that you will achieve a healthier, longer term result with this kind of mindset. This is my greatest wish for you in 2017, to ditch the shaming language and learn to use positive language for your resolutions.
If you are looking to try a fitness class this January, I would love to meet you and teach you all about Pilates. I hope you will discover that Pilates is the exercise system for you and that you want to keep practicing. But if it isn't, then fair enough! At least you came out and gave it a shot.
Classes start January 9th and run for 6 weeks. I hope to be meeting you then!
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic, so please feel free to reply with any comments. I'd also love to hear your positive goals for 2017! I'll be sharing this idea on fb today so you can also pop on there to join in the conversation.
p.s. My resolutions are below... did I mention cookies before? LOL
Diane Archer, Pilates Instructor from the UK now living back in Canada. Blog of tips, thoughts, home challenges.